going thru old keepsakes

growing up, my parents spent ~years~ working on our church’s bazaars.  every year, the bazaar was held on one weekend ... in may??... with carnival rides, arts & crafts sales, lots of food, raffles and a varied assortment of booths.  (the money raised would go to our church’s building fund.)  volunteering to help with the “country store” booth meant a solid year of begging grocery donations, bartering for containers, and trips all over the city to pick up food, which would culminate in a frenzied evening of filling 250 baskets full of groceries - an assembly line process that was almost more fun than the bazaar itself.  over the weekend, we’d hawk tickets - 3 chances for $1!!! - and with each spin of the wheel someone would win a basket of groceries.  (i can remember times when there was almost no food in the house for us to eat, but the living room was absolutely *packed* with food for the country store.  i’d a love-hate relationship with the bazaar.) then in 1983, my parents took chairmanship of the bazaar, itself.

my dad painting the front of the country store booth - judging by that shirt, it was the early to mid-70s ;o

serious amount of groceries - my brother and i - i’ve no explanation for what was going on with those glasses or that hair.  or the monk.

my mom, after 27 years, decided to finally throw out their bazaar book - a conglomeration of meeting minutes and assorted notes on running the bazaar.  i snagged it just before she trashed it and was happy to find a bunch of fliers and the clown logo that my father’d drawn.  somewhere out in the world is a bunch of artwork done by my father and i have almost none of it, so i’m happy whenever i come across examples.  i spent many an hour, sitting at my dad’s feet as he’d draw posters, fliers, banners, etc, for different events, trying to mimic his lettering, but i never mastered his ability to draw.  i’ve always thought that he missed his calling as a commercial artist.

i love the look of these old fliers, from the days before photoshop, illustrator, and the like.  when signs had human touches.  before everything had to be ~perfect~ and the rough sketching shown through.  and i love that clown.  holey-toed socks and all

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Tagged as: art,memories June 17, 2010 @ 09:50 pm

a christmas story!

i love christmas.  i heart it.  it’s the most awesomest holiday EVER.  motherfuckin’ *santa* is comin’!  yippee!!

so, mah tree is up…

my fireplace is ~lit~...

(chestnuts roasting on a ... bunchacandles…)

and i’m busy busy busy gettin’ everything else ready.  have i mentioned i really love christmas?

while roaming the internets, i came across this article the other day (a 2008 series of interviews with mall santas):

“I don’t hear kids wanting Wii’s or Barbies. They want Daddy to come back, they want socks and shoes,” he tells me adjusting his red hat, taking in the cool breeze from the fan pointing directly at him.

it caught my eye, because i used to work at the toy store in that mall, many many many….many.  moons ago. 

the last year i was there, we’d a little boy, maybe 4 or 5 years old, who used to hang around all day by himself.  his mother worked at the walgreen’s *diner* (yes, they used to have a diner!) and she couldn’t afford daycare.  since he pretty much had the run of the mall, he made friends with those of us at all his regular stops, but the toy store was ~obviously~ his favorite place.  i had a brother close in age and, feeling sorry for this little boy with nothing to do all day but roam the mall, i pretty much adopted him as my “little helper”.

his mother and i would wave at one another, though i don’t think we ever spoke.  she only knew me as ~the toy store girl~.  the other employees, even the store manager, would “find” open toy packages and leave them for me to give him.  he’d draw and color pictures for me, “help” me stock toys, play store security (“miss, i think that boy has a tonka truck under his shirt” - like i’d not noticed), and just generally became a fixture in our store.  i’d come into work and they’d tell me, “your little friend was here looking for you”. 

daily, he’d follow me around, babbling non-stop.  repeatedly, he’d tell me that all he wanted was for his dad to come back home.  his dad had gone to “this place called cadifurnia” looking for a job and his mom and he had no furniture in their tiny apt.  he hoped to someday have a real bed.  absolutely broke my heart.

then one day, just days before christmas, i came into work and there stood the little boy… WITH BOTH HIS PARENTS!  his father had come home - bringing a bed, new clothes, and a whole heap load of happiness for one little boy.  his parents had brought me a gift (perfume and a tray) as a thank you (i told them it wasn’t necessary, he was a delight to have hanging around) and begged me to take a picture on santa’s lap with their son (which i did. poor santa.).

every christmas, i remember that lil boy and wonder where he’s gotten to and how well he fared in life.

koorosh, wherever you might be, i hope the happiness you felt that christmas has stayed with you always.

and may ~all of you~ have as wonderful a christmas, as well.

i’ll leave you with this, my favoritest christmas song EVER:

maurice chevalier - jolly old st nicholas

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Tagged as: memories,christmas December 10, 2009 @ 07:29 am

World AIDS Day - To Daddy, With Love…

in early 1992, my father told us, after 25+ years of marriage, he was gay… and hiv-positive.

words just cannot adequately express what my family went through: sorrow, despair, anger, guilt… you name it, we grappled with it.  also, shame.  lots and lots of shame.  heaped on us due to the stigma associated with aids.  it was one thing to know someone with aids.  it was an entirely different thing to be “the wife of…” or “the child of…” someone with aids.  *that* was such a rarity that we often felt completely alone.  my brother told no one.  my mother and i told very few people.  mostly keeping it to a “need to know” basis - some family, supervisors, a few very close friends.  but people that i’d grown up with, people i’d known my entire life, my parents’ friends in our church… they often turned away from us when they saw us.  then we’d know they’d heard. 

my dad’s health deteriorated rapidly (the “aids cocktail” was in its infancy) and in may 1993, he lost his battle with aids.  the indignities the disease ravaged upon my father were horrific, heartbreaking.  (no one should ever have to wear plastic gloves to comfort someone they love.)

life is often not as simple, as black and white, as we might wish it.  so much might be missed if it were.

not a day goes by that i don’t miss my daddy.  they say “time heals all wounds”.  i say “they lie”.  some wounds never heal.  they merely scab over, becoming more easily hidden from public view.  perhaps this is what’s meant by “heal”, i honestly don’t know. 

what i do know… my family is extremely grateful to all those people who stood by us and offered us their love and support -  the charities who paid my dad’s rent, his health insurance, helped to feed him.  a minister who insisted upon coming to the funeral home to help us think clearly.  a priest who didn’t condemn us but showed us great kindness instead.  people who visited my father so that we could rest, who came to tell him he was loved and cared for, who didn’t turn away, who listened, who showed up with food, who randomly offered a hug, a touch of reassurance, who *made us laugh* when we thought we never would again. 

sometimes it’s the smallest things that can mean so much.

aids statistics

THE GLOBAL PICTURE:

Global deaths from AIDS reached an estimated 2 million in 2008, the same number as in 2007. Since the AIDS pandemic started in the early 1980s, almost 60 million people have been infected with the virus and 25 million have died of HIV-related causes.

In 2008, around 430 000 children were born with HIV, bringing to 2.1 million the total number of children under 15 living with HIV. Young people account for around 40 percent of all new adult (15+) HIV infections worldwide.

The annual number of new HIV infections remained the same in 2008 as for 2007 at 2.7 million. This is down from 3.0 million in 2001.

Although 33.4 million people suffered human immunodeficiency virus infections in 2008, more of them are living with HIV than ever before because people are living longer at least in part due to the beneficial effects of antiretroviral therapy.

Sub-Saharan Africa remains the region most heavily affected by HIV, accounting for 67 percent of all people living with HIV worldwide and 91 percent of all new infections among children.

Asia, home to 60 percent of the world’s population, is second only to sub-Saharan Africa in terms of people living with HIV.

India accounts for roughly half of Asia’s HIV prevalence. With the exception of Thailand, every country in Asia has an adult HIV prevalence of less than 1 percent.

HIV prevalence in eastern Europe and Central Asia is on the rise, with severe and growing epidemics in the Ukraine and Russia. With an adult HIV prevalence of 1.6 percent in 2007, Ukraine has the highest prevalence in all of Europe.

In Latin America, new HIV infections totaled an estimated 170,000 in 2008 bringing to 2 million the number of people living with HIV in Latin America. An estimated 77,000 people died of AIDS-related illnesses last year.

In 2008, North America had 55,000 new HIV infections and Western and Central Europe had 30,000 new infections.

small things you can do:

from join red :

Twitter: We’ve been working with our good friends at Twitter to do something really exciting. We’re turning the color of tweets red for the day! Just use #red or #laceupsavelives to turn your tweets red.

What else can you do on December 1st? This World AIDS Day, (RED) partners are making increased contributions to help fight AIDS in Africa:

Starbucks: 5 cents for every hand-crafted beverage in US & Canada, and 5p/5 Euro cents for every espresso-based beverage bought in UK & Ireland.

Gap: 1% of all revenue at participating US and Canada stores.

Dell: Doubling their contributions on DELL (PRODUCT) RED™ products in US, UK and Japan. Until December 2nd.

Bugaboo: As always Bugaboo will be contributing 1% of their total revenue to the Global Fund.

also:

Stone Soup Food Pantry, my personal favorite, started by a friend of my father’s - Provides nutritious non-perishable food boxes specifically designed for People Living with HIV/AIDS and a supermarket voucher redeemable for fresh produce or meat, personal hygiene items or household products. You can donate to them through aids foundation houston

aids foundation houston, AIDS Foundation Houston, Inc. (AFH) has steadily evolved over the last 25 years from a grass-roots community agency to a professionally managed human services organization. The agency currently administers 43 separate programs funded by 26 federal and state grants that continue to assist and comfort Houstonians infected with and affected by HIV.Think of AFH as a work in progress. As the face of HIV/AIDS changes, so do we.

aids memorial quilt, Their mission: To provide a creative means for remembrance and healing, to effectively illustrate the enormity of the AIDS pandemic, to increase awareness of HIV and AIDS throughout the general public, to assist others in providing education on the prevention of HIV infection, and to raise funds for community-based AIDS Service Organizations (ASO’s).

i give to you my father’s last words to me, because they are true for *everyone* : “you have the capacity and the ability to do or to be anything you want in life, but always be true to yourself.  experience life and all the wonders that it holds.  laugh, love, and be yourself.  you are enough.”

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Tagged as: memories,personal December 01, 2009 @ 12:59 pm

they are, you are, we all are.

where did the time go?:

someone said to me, “every morning, we reinvent ourselves.”

they said, “we wake up and make decisions everyday.”

“you can wake up tomorrow and not want to be around any of those peoples.”

they said, “you can decide to be different and not let those influences be part of who you are.”

i say,

too late. 

every experience, every person who’s left their mark on you - good or bad - you are the total product.

acknowledge it, embrace it, and be happy in who you are - no one else can be you better than you.

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Tagged as: me,writing,memories,personal October 22, 2009 @ 11:10 am

where did the time go?

one day, you’re in high school, waiting for it to just all be over so you can GET OUT…

then, *blink*,

fast forward,

you’re sitting in a mall, chatting with your friends, waiting for your store to open so you can go to work, so that you can LEAVE and go have a good time…

then, *blink*,

fast forward,

it’s 20 years and several lifetimes later, and you’re wondering where all that time went, waiting to *feel* like the adult you most certainly must have become when you weren’t even looking…

did i tell you about the time i ran with bandidos?  probably not.  that was so many previous lifetimes ago that it’s hard to believe it was me.  whatever else they did, they kept it separate from me and treated me with a measure of respect and kindness that few would have ever expected of them and i am forever grateful.

or the time i stood with a crowd of stunned onlookers as a car exploded into flames, trapping it’s occupants inside?  several hundred people and the only sound was that of the flames and one lone voice screaming, “oh my god, oh my god” over and over.  i think that was me.

then there was the time…

and the time…

it just keeps passing.  so many lifetimes.  so many people passing through. 

every now and again, those people make indelible marks on the person you are and the person you are to become.

i am me, because of my peoples.

Blogged, Just for Fun, Writing, Personal, Memories, Comments (6)
Tagged as: me,writing,memories,personal August 12, 2009 @ 11:41 am