arin's attic | World AIDS Day - To Daddy, With Love…

World AIDS Day - To Daddy, With Love…

December 01, 2009 @ 12:59 pm Blogged, Current Events, Personal, Memories,
Tagged as: memories,personal

in early 1992, my father told us, after 25+ years of marriage, he was gay… and hiv-positive.

words just cannot adequately express what my family went through: sorrow, despair, anger, guilt… you name it, we grappled with it. also, shame. lots and lots of shame. heaped on us due to the stigma associated with aids. it was one thing to know someone with aids. it was an entirely different thing to be “the wife of…” or “the child of…” someone with aids. *that* was such a rarity that we often felt completely alone. my brother told no one. my mother and i told very few people. mostly keeping it to a “need to know” basis - some family, supervisors, a few very close friends. but people that i’d grown up with, people i’d known my entire life, my parents’ friends in our church… they often turned away from us when they saw us. then we’d know they’d heard.

my dad’s health deteriorated rapidly (the “aids cocktail” was in its infancy) and in may 1993, he lost his battle with aids. the indignities the disease ravaged upon my father were horrific, heartbreaking. (no one should ever have to wear plastic gloves to comfort someone they love.)

life is often not as simple, as black and white, as we might wish it. so much might be missed if it were.

not a day goes by that i don’t miss my daddy. they say “time heals all wounds”. i say “they lie”. some wounds never heal. they merely scab over, becoming more easily hidden from public view. perhaps this is what’s meant by “heal”, i honestly don’t know.

what i do know… my family is extremely grateful to all those people who stood by us and offered us their love and support - the charities who paid my dad’s rent, his health insurance, helped to feed him. a minister who insisted upon coming to the funeral home to help us think clearly. a priest who didn’t condemn us but showed us great kindness instead. people who visited my father so that we could rest, who came to tell him he was loved and cared for, who didn’t turn away, who listened, who showed up with food, who randomly offered a hug, a touch of reassurance, who *made us laugh* when we thought we never would again.

sometimes it’s the smallest things that can mean so much.

aids statistics

THE GLOBAL PICTURE:

Global deaths from AIDS reached an estimated 2 million in 2008, the same number as in 2007. Since the AIDS pandemic started in the early 1980s, almost 60 million people have been infected with the virus and 25 million have died of HIV-related causes.

In 2008, around 430 000 children were born with HIV, bringing to 2.1 million the total number of children under 15 living with HIV. Young people account for around 40 percent of all new adult (15+) HIV infections worldwide.

The annual number of new HIV infections remained the same in 2008 as for 2007 at 2.7 million. This is down from 3.0 million in 2001.

Although 33.4 million people suffered human immunodeficiency virus infections in 2008, more of them are living with HIV than ever before because people are living longer at least in part due to the beneficial effects of antiretroviral therapy.

Sub-Saharan Africa remains the region most heavily affected by HIV, accounting for 67 percent of all people living with HIV worldwide and 91 percent of all new infections among children.

Asia, home to 60 percent of the world’s population, is second only to sub-Saharan Africa in terms of people living with HIV.

India accounts for roughly half of Asia’s HIV prevalence. With the exception of Thailand, every country in Asia has an adult HIV prevalence of less than 1 percent.

HIV prevalence in eastern Europe and Central Asia is on the rise, with severe and growing epidemics in the Ukraine and Russia. With an adult HIV prevalence of 1.6 percent in 2007, Ukraine has the highest prevalence in all of Europe.

In Latin America, new HIV infections totaled an estimated 170,000 in 2008 bringing to 2 million the number of people living with HIV in Latin America. An estimated 77,000 people died of AIDS-related illnesses last year.

In 2008, North America had 55,000 new HIV infections and Western and Central Europe had 30,000 new infections.

small things you can do:

from join red :

Twitter: We’ve been working with our good friends at Twitter to do something really exciting. We’re turning the color of tweets red for the day! Just use #red or #laceupsavelives to turn your tweets red.

What else can you do on December 1st? This World AIDS Day, (RED) partners are making increased contributions to help fight AIDS in Africa:

Starbucks: 5 cents for every hand-crafted beverage in US & Canada, and 5p/5 Euro cents for every espresso-based beverage bought in UK & Ireland.

Gap: 1% of all revenue at participating US and Canada stores.

Dell: Doubling their contributions on DELL (PRODUCT) RED™ products in US, UK and Japan. Until December 2nd.

Bugaboo: As always Bugaboo will be contributing 1% of their total revenue to the Global Fund.

also:

Stone Soup Food Pantry, my personal favorite, started by a friend of my father’s - Provides nutritious non-perishable food boxes specifically designed for People Living with HIV/AIDS and a supermarket voucher redeemable for fresh produce or meat, personal hygiene items or household products. You can donate to them through aids foundation houston

aids foundation houston, AIDS Foundation Houston, Inc. (AFH) has steadily evolved over the last 25 years from a grass-roots community agency to a professionally managed human services organization. The agency currently administers 43 separate programs funded by 26 federal and state grants that continue to assist and comfort Houstonians infected with and affected by HIV.Think of AFH as a work in progress. As the face of HIV/AIDS changes, so do we.

aids memorial quilt, Their mission: To provide a creative means for remembrance and healing, to effectively illustrate the enormity of the AIDS pandemic, to increase awareness of HIV and AIDS throughout the general public, to assist others in providing education on the prevention of HIV infection, and to raise funds for community-based AIDS Service Organizations (ASO’s).

i give to you my father’s last words to me, because they are true for *everyone* : “you have the capacity and the ability to do or to be anything you want in life, but always be true to yourself. experience life and all the wonders that it holds. laugh, love, and be yourself. you are enough.”

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On 12/01/09, Venny said...

While I can’t say that I know exactly how you felt, I do know what it is like to lose a loved one too soon.

I hope one day we, as a society, can allow people to be who they really are without ridicule.

You are an inspiration to me. You and your father are in my thoughts today.

On 12/01/09, arin721 said...

aww, venny, thank ya.

no matter the circumstances, it’s devastating to lose a loved one and i know you’ve had it rough with that this year. much warmth and (((hugs))) to you and your family.

Check out arin721's latest entry: bunnies of death host soylent green cook off

On 12/02/09, kevin whited said...

Wow, what a great tribute. Well done, my friend.

On 12/02/09, arin721 said...

thanks, kevin. means alot