i’m now terrified of the avon lady…

January 12, 2010 @ 08:46 am Blogged, Life, Personal,
Tagged as: personal,getchertoughfuron,theavonladyscaresme

i’m at home doing a bunch of nothing yesterday when my doorbell rings and i did the unthinkable… i *answered the door*.  call me crazy, but that’s what i do when the doorbell rings.  it’s a pavlovian response.  i can’t help it.  knock on the door, ring the doorbell, i will *open the door*.  i ~live on the edge~ that way.

anyways, this guy is standing 6 feet or so from the door, wearing black jeans, a tshirt, plaid flannel shirt, carrying a backpack, with a cellphone in his hand.  wants to know if i’m the person with the plumbing problems.  we’ve just had several nights in the 20s, so the plumbing excuse is believable.  but…

my first thought is: what plumber shows up not knowing what house he’s going to ... not in uniform ... and carrying a backpack?
my second thought is: oh, hey, didn’t we have a burglary here just 2 months ago, shortly after a guy *matching this guy’s description* was seen wandering around the property?
my third thought is: i have the most vicious sounding beagle IN THE WORLD.  she’s not stopped snarl-barking yet.

i tell him it’s not my house he’s looking for, he apologizes and wanders off.  me, being the brave nosey person idiot i am, decides to put the dog on the leash and go see where this guy is headed.  i don’t *like* being suspicious - i don’t like that immediately my inner cynic is rearing her head.  the guy may be completely innocent.  maybe he’s some kinda plumber’s helper who’s just lost.  but i just can’t stop that “who’re you, what’re you doin’ on *my* territory?” thing.  (i once called the police cuz my neighbour’s front door was standing wide open and his giant great dane was nowhere to be found.  police showed up just as the guy returned *from taking the dog for a walk*.  me?  meet chagrin.  note: the neighbour thanked me for being so attentive, but.  yeah.  ~embarrassment~.)

we walk outside.  well, i walk outside.  the beagle *bursts* outside, snarl-barking, as she does *every time we go outside*.  it’s like she’s to announce to the world, “LOOK OUT, I’M COMING FOR YOU!”  she’s really *not* vicious, she just has her tough fur on.  (it occurs to me that the beagle and i are entirely too much alike.)  anyways, the guy is standing in my neighbour’s doorway.  the minute he hears the beagle explosion, he heads around the side of the building, where the maintenance guy happens to be working.  he mumbles something to the maint. guy and takes off towards the front of the property. 

i walk over to ask the maintenance guy what he’d said (maint. guy asked him if he needs something, guy said he’s working on plumbing and kept walking) and i register that a car, blaring REALLY LOUD BASS music, is pulling out of… my mother’s parking space.  mom’s at work, plus i’m fairly certain that she doesn’t do BLARING BASS (ottmar liebert doesn’t make those sounds).  i turn to look at the car… a tricked out eclipse… as it backs up very slowly towards me.  it sits there a minute, then slowly drives towards the front gate, where i can see the “plumber’s helper” guy.  the dog is absolutely having conniptions, barking, straining at her leash, and it occurs to me… i might should call the police, rather than standing there in the open, like a moron.  i suspect that the “plumber’s helper” guy is looking for houses where no one is home so he can break in and grab what’ll fit in his backpack, and that the BLARING BASS car is his buddy’s.

i call the police, who show up within mere minutes.  they drive through the property and it appears there’s been no break-ins, so perhaps we scared the guy off before he had a chance to do anything.  but the police proceed to fuss at me, “WHY would you open the door?”  me: “because they rang the bell?”  them: “you do NOT open the door to strangers.”  me: “i’m not 4? plus, i’d feel stupid yelling through the door at the avon lady.”  them: “would you rather feel stupid or be raped?”  me: “...well, okay, then.” 

sidenote: if the “plumber’s helper” was really a burglar, our condos have *the best smelling burglars* EVER.  his cologne nearly knocked me over when i opened the door, which leads me to believe that he and the avon lady are ~in cahoots~.

i’m now terrified of the avon lady.

On 01/22/10, Carol said...

I’d like you to be my attentive neighbour please   Kudos for being on the ball.  I don’t understand the police’s mentality though, it’s natural for people to answer the bloody door when the doorbell rings.  Although one of those chains fixed to the inside door is handy.

On 01/25/10, arin721 said...

yeah, i was kinda surprised by the policeman, too.  it’s really sad when you aren’t supposed to open the door because *someone might rape you* or whatever.  by the time he left, i was ready to put steel shutters on the windows and tripwire along the walkway.  next up, pre-emptive strikes on all strangers >:O *just in case*

...and this is how texas became republican…

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